12 years ago and my husband… August 27, 2007

Yesterday was the 12 year anniversary of an event that forever changed my life.  When I was 16 years old I was in a car accident in which I was the driver and I lost a very good friend.  Someday perhaps I will share the story of that day, but for now–12 years and one day later–I find that I am still unable to talk (or I guess really even write) about it.  I was sad yesterday.  And today. 

Today was also my first day of class (more on that later).  Daddy-O was at work so his mom came over to watch the kids.  Everything was fine when I left, I drove through Hardee’s to get some dinner and headed onto the highway.  As I merged onto the highway I noticed flashing lights on the other side of the divided road.  There it was.  A car accident.  All I really saw was at least one mangled up car, lots of flashing lights, a state trooper car, an ambulance, and there he was.  My husband-  mr. firefighter/paramedic just out doing his job.  I was instantly overwhelmed.  Here he is–the helper.  This is what he does every day.  I complain a lot about his job, being a firefighter’s wife definitely has it’s challenges.  Trust me.  But the reality is I could not be more proud of him.

My mind instantly went back to that day 12 years ago.  There was a moment in that terrible afternoon that I remember clearly.  A moment when one of my friends had already been loaded onto the ambulance.  The helicopter was landing to transport our other friend.  It was all very chaotic, and the stranger who had been sitting with me comforting me had already left.  I was just sitting in the grass, staring at the ground, scared and alone.  And then someone was speaking to me.  It was a volunteer firefighter.  I never looked up at his face, I just stared at his feet.  He was wearing flip-flops.  Why on earth is he wearing flip-flops was all I could manage to think.  I never met that man, I never learned his name, or what department he worked for.

 Daddy-O was a volunteer for many years before his current job.  He wears flip-flops year-round.  As a volunteer he even responded in flip-flops on occasion (he always had his boots with him).  While Daddy-O is not the man who was there with me 12 years ago (he was in college at the time), in a way he is.  He is there in that moment.  The moment, though completely unexpected, that will forever change a person’s life.  He is there to help them.  He is there to save a life.  And for that I am incredibly proud and grateful.  I don’t know, maybe none of this makes sense to anyone but me, maybe the connections don’t really matter and coincidence is coincidence.  However, all I know is that I could not have asked for a better person to spend the rest of my life with, or a better father for our children.

Question August 27, 2007

Is it terribly bad that I REALLY didn’t want to give my daughter a bath and put her to bed last night because I was trying to watch High School Musical?

Ethiopia, Day 4 August 25, 2007

This was the day I crashed.  It all became too much and I simply couldn’t deal with everything anymore.  Between the exhaustion, overwhelming poverty, culture shock, and having a new baby my system was on serious overload.  The day began with trying to deal with airline issues.  It turns out they had misspelled Baby G’s name on his birth certificate, meaning it was now different than his plane ticket.  I called Lufthansa and was advised I would have to buy a new ticket and wait to have the old one refunded.  This was going to be expensive and meant I had to go to the Lufthansa ticket office.  I was also concerned about Baby G because he had been VERY cranky, spitting up a LOT, with diarrhea, and rubbing his ear a lot.  I was thinking maybe he had an ear infection.

After talking to Lufthansa on the phone I called Daddy-O and broke down as soon as I heard his voice.  I couldn’t even talk for the crying, which of course sent him into a panic.  I finally calmed down enough to tell him everything and he calmed me down enough to deal with the issues I had to that day.

Part of my emotional overload was because this was supposed to be the day we traveled to the town of Baby G’s birth.  I wasn’t expecting to learn much info, or meet his birth family, just gain a sense of his birthplace.  As I talked to Daddy-O on the phone I didn’t know what to do.  The thought of a two hour drive each way with a very cranky baby and a very exhausted body was not exactly ideal.   While I knew I would regret not going, I also did not think I could make this trip and still be physically and emotionally strong enough to be a good mother to Baby G.  I decided that what he needed most at this moment in time was simply for me to be his mother.  For that reason I decided not to make the trip.  (and yes I do regret it, but we do plan to return someday as a family)

We began with another trip to Layla to see the doctor.  This was a very moving experience for me and my dad.  We sat on this tiny bench with all of these little sick children.  There was a VERY sick looking little girl, a boy with a giant swollen knee who kept limping around and trying hard to show us how much it hurt to walk on.  Another little girl with lots of bumps on her face who just kept smiling at us, and several others.  For a while we were the only adults there with them.  It is unbelievably hard to see a sick little one without a mommy to comfort them.  Unfortunately there was a huge language barrier and I am not sure we did much to comfort them ourselves.  The doctor was unable to look into Baby G’s ears because he was screaming and fighting the entire time.  Just to be on the safe side he gave me some antibiotics and rehydration salts, neither of which I really understood the directions for…  I ultimately did not use either because I was so afraid I would somehow overdose him.  BTW, I feel it is important to mention how incredibly wonderful it is that there is a doctor on staff at Layla.  While it seemed primitive by American standards, having a doctor’s office in the same compound is an incredible blessing for these children.  I am very happy he is there and know he will make a world of difference (I believe it was his first week).

I also took this opportunity at Layla to take Baby G to say goodbye to the nannies.  I knew this would be our last trip there.  I took his picture with everyone I could.  I found myself very emotional, although I tried hard not to show it.  I was terribly sad that he was leaving this place, as strange as that sounds.  I kept thinking of Supergirl as a baby and what it would have been like for her if someone came in and took her away from everyone she knew.  It broke my heart, for both him and the nannies.  One in particular seemed emotional as she said goodbye and kissed him and hugged him repeatedly.  I managed to hold in the tears until the moment we stepped outside the compound.

My dad spoke with the social worker who was supposed to travel with us to Baby G’s birthplace.  He explained that we had opted not to make the trip.  She was very kind and understanding and said that was fine.  Next we headed to the Lufthansa office.  We parked on the side of the road, got out of the car and walked into a small photo shop with our driver.  I was busy looking at all the framed photos as our driver spoke to the people working in the shop.  Apparently the Lufthansa office USED to be here but was now located on the other side of town.  We headed back to the car and across town.  The new office was in a very nice building.  However, today was the warmest day of our trip, borderline hot, Baby G was so so grumpy and I was not in a very good mood as I sat and waited for my turn.  Baby G puked all over me for about the 20th time that morning, so my dad offered to walk him around outside as I waited.  This helped as I think his crying was annoying some of the other people waiting…  Finally it was my turn and I was SO happy that the lady was incredibly nice and understanding.  In no time at all she had a printout stating there was a name change.  She advised me to just take the printout to the airport and there was no need to purchase new tickets.  Huge, huge relief.

We headed back to the Hotel.  This was probably the hardest drive of the trip for me.  I am not sure where we were, but there were many more people living on the streets and begging.  People with obvious deformities.  A boy of about 14 came to the car window.  His legs were so deformed he was walking on his hands and could barely reach up to the window.  Many mothers with tiny babies, many very sick people.  I just kept thinking of how you don’t see this in America.  People complain about healthcare and I definitely have my own complaints about the insurance companies.  But there is a healthcare system.  There is Medicaid.  You simply don’t see children with deformities such as these begging on the streets.  At least I certainly never have…

Once at the Hotel Baby G and I completely crashed.  My dad opted to do a little sight-seeing, including a trip by the Mercato and to the National Museum.  Although he very quickly reached overload and returned to the hotel with me.  Baby G and I were still napping when he returned.  He went to eat lunch and when he came back the baby was waking up.  My wonderful dad took him on a walk around the beautiful grounds of the Hilton while I napped even more. 

I was finally awake when I heard an urgent knock at the door.  I opened the door to have my dad push Baby G into my arms as he yelled about things biting him.  He quickly jumped into the bathroom and began to take off his clothes.  He was covered in ants!!  I had to help him get them all off.  I quickly undressed Baby G and searched him but fortunately he had none on him.  Dad says as they were walking he saw what looked like termite mounds just off the walking path with birds swooping down and eating the bugs off the top.  He stepped off the trail for just a split second to get a closer look and very quickly realized this was a terrible mistake.  He swears the bites were way more painful than ANY ants he has ever encountered before.  They were certainly aggressive.  Although I still thought it was a little funny.

The rest of the evening was spent just hanging out and relaxing and eating more pizza.

Ethiopia, Day 3-Afternoon August 23, 2007

The Embassy was quite an experience.  We had to park a little down the road and walk.  As always, some boys met us at the car asking for money.  They followed us for a little ways before giving up.  While waiting to go through security to get into the Embassy there was a man there harrassing the security guard.  He kept telling her how she was evil, working for the devil and ruining Ethiopia.  How there were no jobs and the people were suffering.  She very calmly continued to do the job while also talking to him.  She kept telling him he could get a job.  That standing there talking to her was not helping his situation.  He could be working if he would just leave and go find a job.  He definitely was not buying that story.  Once through the initial security check we went into a small courtyard that contained rows of people waiting.  I felt guilty as we went ahead of them, but this was because we had an appointment.  Once inside the Embassy there were even more people waiting.  We waited awhile and Baby G managed to fall asleep for a little bit.  It was nice being with the other families and sharing experiences.  It was definitely hard being the only ones at the Hilton, I really did not realize how much being with these other families helped.  We were the first ones to be called upstairs.  Baby G slept through the entire thing.  I was sworn in, asked a few questions, signed a few lines, and presto–we were done.  We waited for the other families to finish and all headed back to the Hilton, as they were going to reconfirm their flights and exchange some money.  When we got back to the car, Nate, the volunteer who drove us handed a few birr to one of the boys who was waiting for us.  The other boy quickly became upset and Nate asked the first boy to hand some to the second.  The first boy refused, walking away.  The second boy was now very upset and distraught looking.  Nate pulled out a few more birr for this boy.

Once at the Hilton we rested up and headed for dinner.  I very highly recommend the Pizzeria.  It was very delicious brick oven pizza.  We later discovered you could also get it in your room, pure heaven

Our lost luggage was due to arrive at the airport this evening so around 8 my dad and I headed back to the airport on the Hilton Shuttle, a trip I was DEFINITELY not looking forward to.  The shuttle driver went into the airport with us and showed me where to go.  I was headed in when he told me to give him the baby and he would wait while we went to get the luggage.  I had a definite moment of mother panic.  My dad read my face immediately and whispered, “do you want me to stay out here with them”  I just found myself thinking, what happens when I come out with my luggage only to find my baby is gone.  Perhaps this is only an American fear, but I could definitely not just leave him with a stranger.

So my dad stayed behind and I ventured in to fight for luggage once more.  While waiting at the carousel I was approached by a man who asked “are you Sarah” He was the man working at baggage claim the night ours had been lost.  He had already put my bag aside and went to get it for me.  I was very relieved at this.  I also saw several familiar faces of the other passengers whose baggage had been offloaded.  One of which was a Scottish man who worked for the UN I had been talking with while in the line for baggage claim.  When I went to pay duty I realized it costs twice as much as I had anticipated and I did not have enough money.  We had brought extra money but it was with my dad on the other side of security.  Once again I was in a panic.  I went and asked my new friend if I could borrow some money.  He was SO nice, patted me on the shoulder and said no problem.  I finally got through only to find the shuttle had once again just left.  So we waited for it to come back all the while listening to some very angry Italian man complain about his luggage being lost–which in the end it really wasn’t even lost, just slow to make it through.  The ride to the Hilton was not very fun as the Italian man talked to some other guy the entire ride.  He complained about the beggars, telling the man they had more money than anyone else.  My dad and I were quietly seething in the backseat.  The shuttle driver also dropped our luggage (which just happened to be a box with a computer and monitor inside!) out of the back of the van as he was loading it.  Grrrr.   At this point I was in a very foul mood and did not ever want to step foot into the airport again…

Today is HAPPY DAY!!! August 22, 2007

Okay, so in case you forgot (or didn’t read here last year) here is a gentle reminder:

Here you will find a description.

and

Here you can see what we did last year…

I know, I should have given you more advanced notice.  But hopefully there is still time.  Today is the day…BE HAPPY, make others HAPPY.  No questions, no excuses.  Just go do it.

More later….

Ethiopia, Day 3-Morning August 21, 2007

Wednesday began with a tour of Layla.  Dawit, our driver, picked us up around 9 and took us to Layla.  One of the volunteers gave us a tour of the facility.  We began in the kindergarten, pre-school room.  Talk about overwhelming.  The kids swarmed my dad and could not stop giggling.  They were all so amazed with his beard!  They just kept touching it and giggling.  One girl took my dad by the hand and began walking right out the door with him.  We had no idea what she was saying, she just kept repeating the same phrase.  (Later we asked a housekeeper at the Hilton–who loved Baby G and frequently stopped in to play with him–to translate.  She said the little girl just kept saying “Welcome….welcome, daddy”  which of course made us all cry)  When he asked her what her name was there was some talk amongst the kids and they suddenly broke out singing “There was a farmer who had a dog and Bingo was his name-0″ in English!!  We went back to the baby room that Baby G was in.  I was able to get his pictures with some of the nannies.  We also saw the rooms with the smaller babies.  The newest arrival was quite tiny and fragile looking.

Next we saw the courtyard where the kids played, the dining hall, some of the older kids bedrooms, classrooms, the library, etc.  I’m not even sure how to describe everything.  One thing I did notice was how much more organized the girls kept their rooms than the boys.  I guess that’s a universal trait  

It was also laundry day and there was laundry EVERYWHERE!!!  And I seriously mean everywhere, every rail, wire, open piece of ground.  I am definitely in awe of these women who were smiling and laughing as they did by hand what I complain about doing with our machines… 

We didn’t get to see many of the older kids as they were all in class.  We did get to see the PE class as they were exercising.  After a quick tour we headed back to the Hotel for lunch and to get ready for our Embassy appt.

Apparently we had misunderstood what time we had to go to the Embassy appt as the volunteer called and was waiting to pick us up before we were anywhere near ready.  We very quickly got dressed and gathered our stuff and were downstairs ready to go. 

Ethiopia, Day 2–Afternoon August 20, 2007

Okay, so the afternoon was really not very exciting at all.  I really wanted to just sit around and hang out with Baby G and that is exactly what we did.  We went downstairs to eat, I had some toasted ham & cheese and french fries.  Yum…  Baby G loved loved loved the cereal we got for him and would scream between bites because we could never feed him fast enough! 

He spit up pretty much all of the formula I had bought, so I decided to just use the can I had brought with me.  He still spit most of that up too, but I wasn’t sure what else to do.  I gave him a bath in the sink.  My one complaint about the Hilton was that neither of our plugs worked for the sink or the shower.  So I sort of improvised with a zip-loc bag.  This really didn’t work very well and I mostly just gave him a speed bath.  He would splash the water out so fast it really didn’t have time to go down the drain anyways.  My dad got us connected to the internet and began documenting our journey for Daddy-O and all of our families.  We even made a little i-movie for Supergirl

(someday, when I figure out how to I will begin posting video.  For now, I’m just not smart enough   )

Ethiopia, Day 2–Morning August 19, 2007

This was the big day, the day I finally would get to hold Baby G!!! We both woke up around 6 am. Daddy-O called around 7 am using the prepaid card we purchased from African Prepaid. Unfortunately, even though I could hear him, apparently all he could hear on his end was static. So around 8 he called backing using a service he found on the internet called Skype. He basically talked to me through our computer. This worked much better and we could could hear each other very clearly. We talked about the trip, our hotel, the view from the balcony. My dad was actually out on the balcony with his video camera

We had actually just decided perhaps we should get off of the phone soon in case Gail (our in-country coordinator) was trying to call.  She was supposed to call before she came to pick us up.  About this time the phone beeped.  Who on earth knew they had call-waiting in Ethiopia???   I hung up with Michael to be greeted by Gail’s voice.  I immediately became ridiculously excited.  Heart pounding, thoughts racing, my dad and I went downstairs to exchange money and wait for Gail.  The drive to Layla was our first daytime driving experience.  Wow.  That’s about all I can say.  So many cars so close together, so many people in the streets beside the streets, everywhere.  So so so many boys shining shoes.  I was amazed that so many shoes could ever need to be shined (I figured this out later after the rain, the dirt in the streets is simply waiting for the rain to become wonderfully muddy–and there were lots of people walking around in very nice shoes…).

Just a few hundred yards from Layla we turned onto our final street only to be greeted by a small (perhaps 2-year-old) girl walking out right in front of our car.  Gail had to slam on her brakes.  This was one of the most memorable (and upsetting) moments of our trip.  One I will never forget.  This tiny girl, covered in mud and dirt, just walking right out in front of this quickly moving vehicle.  Her mom was sitting on the other side of the road, with a baby and another girl who was maybe 4. 

We pulled up to the gate of the compound and honked.  Everything from this moment on is really a blur.  We pulled in and headed for Wanna (the baby house).  I immediately recognized the door with Winnie the Pooh painted on the outside.  For so long now I have been staring and staring at pictures of this place.  Now it was real.  We walked into a room I recognized from many of our pictures of Baby G.  Gail asked one of the nannies where he was and she pointed at a crib and said something in Amharic.  Gail picked him up and handed him to me.  We had only been there for not even a minute!  It was all so overwhelming.  Very much like a dream.

I sat down with him and he just looked at me and played with my necklace.  One of the nannies brought a bottle that smelled strongly of orange juice.  He mostly just put it into his mouth and then spit it out onto his shirt.  He became one very orangy baby.  My dad finally had a moment to break out the video camera, which is a good thing.  Gail began go over his schedule, what he usually eats, etc.  Most of which neither my dad or I remembered later, but were able to watch the video to figure it out   I think she lost me about the time she told me he usually drinks a little water or TEA!! 

My dad sat on the floor for awhile and played with the babies.  They all crawled all over him.  One in particular was winning him over.  He even pointed at the swing for my dad to swing him (which he quickly obliged).  Our driver arrived and we sat in the van while we waited for another family to finish up their meeting with the social worker so they could get a ride to the guest house.  As we sat in the van the little girl we almost ran over came and stood next to it.  Her and her sister were having a conversation about something.  Soon some boys came by with a herd of goats.  My dad and I just sat and tried to soak all of this in.  Baby G was quickly asleep.  We stopped at a grocery store and picked up some formula, water and baby cereal.  When we got back to the hotel we just sort of sat and stared at Baby G as he slept…

A beautiful day! August 17, 2007

Okay people, I have to be honest.  It has been a rough week around here.  Between Baby G’s constant ear-piercing shrieks and SuperGirl’s 800 melt-downs a day, we were beginning to feel as if we were losing all control of this house.  Plus both children having very inconsistent waking patterns everynight means little to no sleep for grown-ups.  This makes for a pretty grumpy house.  At 7 this morning Daddy-O had already left for work, SuperGirl had found her way to my bed and Baby G was belting out his infamous shrieks from his room.  As I tried to crawl my way out of bed to go get him SuperGirl flipped out and started crying and yelling about how she didn’t want me to leave, “I just want my brother to cry!!”  As she tugged at my arm as I walked away I was trying to figure out how on Earth I was going to make it through this day.

However….sometime between that moment and breakfast something wonderful happened to my children.  I have no idea what it was, but I love it and want to marry it   Supergirl spent the day playing quietly by herself, with me and even with her brother.  She set up a tea party for all of her animals, read her books for a very long time, and drew pictures on her leapster.  Even at naptime I set the timer and the second she heard it beep she laid down and fell asleep.  Baby G spent the day learning how to crawl.  He is now up on his knees and elbows and spends more time going frontwards than rolling sideways.  You can tell he is VERY excited about this newfound freedom.  I think I only heard a handful of shrieks the entire day.  He spent most of the day sticking out his tongue.  He became a little obsessed with that over the course of the day.  I was so excited about our day I decided we needed to treat ourselves with a little DQ!

Oh, I also signed Supergirl up for a dance class (ballet/tap) today.  She starts September 4.  “Shamelessly living vicariously through your children“—here I come!

 I hope your day was as great as ours!

 Here’s my little man thinking he is hot stuff with a spoon…

And his tongue, which stayed like this for the rest of the day

Okay, so this was actually 2 days ago, but it demonstrates one of the many tea parties that are going on continuously around here and it is Baby G on the day SuperGirl informed me “mom, he looks really cool in that shirt”

Enjoying a few snacks courtesy of his sister

And more of the crazy tongue


This is normal, right?

Ethiopia, Day 1–Travel August 17, 2007

Okay, so I’m calling it Day 1, but it is sort of Day 1 1/2, and sort of Day 0.  Basically our trip from here to Ethiopia.  We left Sunday afternoon our time and arrived Monday night, Ethiopia time.  It was definitely hard to say goodbye at the airport.  I knew saying goodbye to Supergirl would be tough and it definitely was.  I was pretty sure she still hadn’t quite grasped the concept that I was really going to be gone for awhile.  I said goodbye, waved for a little while, and then cried my way to the front of the security line.  Fortunately, security is crazy enough that I was quickly distracted.  Including the moment a pilot asked to go in front of me through the metal detector.  I said that was ok, he went, only to be yelled at by a screener and forced to return to the back of the line. HA

My dad and I were quite the traveling pair.  Both had no idea what we were doing and it was probably pretty obvious.  We did manage to make all of our flights without getting lost, no small miracle.  Bought some sunglasses at O’Hare, ate some Quizno’s, flew to Frankfurt in time to have some mozzarella sticks at McDonalds (for breakfast)   

Lufthansa was great.  Some food was good, some food not so good, but all in all it was fine.  I did not sleep much on the flights.  Too excited, I guess.  I had never used an airplane bathroom before, but taking some travel advice I read and drinking LOTS and LOTS of liquids, I got quite familiar with this routine.  I appreciated the multiple snacks and many many drinks.  Also definitely appreciated the hot towels!  The Frankfurt airport was very nice.  It was a great place for people watching, and I even took a little nap at our gate. 

Our arrival in Ethiopia was both exciting and all a blur due to the exhaustion of the trip.  Getting a visa was very easy.  There was a lady causing quite a scene as we waited to have our passport stamped.  I believe she was drunk, but am not sure.  The security guy seemed quite amused by much of what she was yelling out as she alternated between jumping up and down and laying on a bench.  As we waited for our luggage we eventually realized one of our bags was not there.  We were clearly not the only ones and it turns out quite of bit of luggage was offloaded in Frankfurt and was still there.  Fortunately it was our donations, so we still had all of our clothes and baby supplies.  Filling out our baggage claim was a nightmare, it took about an hour to get to the front of the line.  The Hilton shuttle had already left us, and thankfully a cab driver was nice enough to call the shuttle driver for us.  The drive to the Hilton was a nice introduction to Ethiopian driving.  It was a little scary, but looking back it was probably one of the easiest drives we experienced, as there was no other traffic on the roads.  After checking in at the Hilton, making a phone call home, we both crashed for the evening…