Turning 30… June 25, 2009

So, yesterday was my birthday. I am no longer a 20-something. I have to be honest, this was something I have been dreading for some time now. I’m really not sure why.
I often think back to myself as a young girl, what I refer to as my 12-year-old self, and I wonder what she would think if she could see me now. I remember all of the dreams and expectations I had for my life at 12.
Throughout the day yesterday I found myself thinking back and looking at my life through that girl’s eyes. I am so proud to say that I think she would be very happy and proud of who she was going to become

True, I have not single-handedly saved the rainforest, ended world hunger, or stamped out pollution. I have not discovered a new species, been on a safari, or even been scuba diving. But what I have done is SO much greater! I have an incredible husband and our relationship is stronger than any I could have even imagined at 12. He makes me so happy. I have two of the most amazing, beautiful, and smart children I have ever met. I have chosen a career path I am proud of. And while I have not worked steadily since graduation, I have managed to find a balance between my work and being a mother. A road that is tougher than any I could have imagined. And I while I am not out saving the entire world, I do like to think I may have touched a few lives along the way.
I am truly proud of who and where I am in life. I am proud that my last 30 years are something I love to look back on, instead of something to regret or try to repress. I am SO looking forward to the next 30 years. It is time for my 30-year-old self to create hopes and dreams for those years, since my 12-year-old self failed to look past 30. At 12, 30 is seriously old and there’s not much to look forward to after that—at 30, 30 is only the beginning

The Gym June 18, 2009

So I’ve been going to the gym for about 2 weeks now (I think). After a few days on the ellipticals and treadmills and bikes I began watching the excercise classes. Unfortunately the room is located in the front with a glass wall so everyone can watch the class. A fact I found very intimidating and made me not want to go to a class. However, after watching the ’sculpt and tone’ class and noticing it is mostly just hand weights and sit-ups–which is what I want to be doing–I decided to try it. So last Thursday I went and I loved it. I felt great, until Friday when I was pretty sore. Okay, really sore. Then Saturday I was sore. But Sunday I felt much better. Besides it was my thighs and arms that were sore which meant I’m getting some muscle, right? So Tuesday I went back to the class, however, Tuesday’s are a different teacher. I loved that class too! And I felt great—until Wednesday. Then my arms were pretty sore, but at least my legs were fine. However, last night my arms were much worse and today they suck. It hurts very bad to straighten them… Needless to say I missed the class today. In recovery Despite the pain I’m pretty sure I will go back next Tuesday. I am going to be one buff woman!! Just one that can only move every 3rd day

Silliness June 12, 2009

Update June 12, 2009

SO I went to the gym on Monday with no intention of taking the kids after the trauma of last week. However, as soon as Boomer figured out where I was going he ran and got his shoes on and began begging to go with me stating “I’ll be good, I won’t bite anybody, I’ll be good at daycare.” So, I reluctantly took him with me. We talked the entire way about expectations at daycare (no hitting or biting and listen to your teacher) and how I would be right in the next room and he had to stay until I came to get him (and how I WOULD come to get him) and that we would leave together. Upon arrival I saw it was the same worker and I took time to introduce him to her and to tell him goodbye and have fun. And he was good!!! We went 3 times this week, twice without supergirl because she doesn’t really want to go and he ALWAYS wants to go. He has not even been sent to time out. He insists on pointing out to me that we open the door TOGETHER when we leave (that he waited on me to get there). He is in love with the little baby bouncy seats they have, and likes to strap himself in there and chill out for awhile. I can’t tell you how much better I feel. It is in the terribly stressful moments that I forget that for everyone one of those there are thousands of fun, normal, happy moments.

Oh, and thanks to everyone who left supportive comments. As I wrote my last post I felt myself cringing because I had a strong feeling I would be getting some negative ‘what kind of mother are you, I know so much more than you’ comments. But then I didn’t get any. Yay!! So, my next post will be much lighter. Just silliness

Bad Parent Moment #4398 June 5, 2009

I’ve been home long enough that I am beginning to get that “please let me have just 30 seconds to myself before I explode!” feeling. So I decided the answer was to join a gym. The cheap local one with a daycare so I can take the kids with me and they can socialize while I get some me time and work out. Everybody wins right?
We went to the Y last summer and after a few rough visits Boomer began to love it, so I figured he would enjoy this also, especially since he is a year older. I ask the kids today “do you want to go play at the day care?” followed by “yes, yes!” So we load up and head to the gym.
I immediately should have known disaster was coming, as the day care was very crowded with just one girl in there working. Not a good idea!!! This was my kids first visit and they were excited to see a few of their friends in there so they ran right in and started playing. I head off to workout in relative peace. I notice my friend leaves with her children as I am working out but don’t think much about it. 30 minutes later I am done and head in to pick up my children…
As I approach I hear Boomer screaming. There is a mom in front of me entering the door and her daughter says something and I hear the mom say “yes, he DOES need to go to time out”
Son of a biscuit, I know I’m in trouble now.
I enter the room to find Boomer engaged in full out war with the girl working there. She is trying to get ahold of him to put him in timeout and he is fighting her with everything he has (which is a lot). She looks up and sees me and says “Is this your kid?” Which immediately puts me on edge (as if I wasn’t already). I grab him away from her and have this conversation:
Me: What happened?
Girl: He is trying to bite me (her voice is very shaky and I can tell she is on the verge of tears–she is definitely rattled).
Me (to Boomer): Did you try to bite her?
Boomer (crying hysterically): Yes.
I put him on the floor in timeout which he stays in, still crying and screaming. I ask her what happened and she says he tried to open the door to leave and when she wouldn’t let him he just came at her hitting and trying to bite. She says she tried to put him in timeout but couldn’t get ahold of him without him trying to bite her. She says she couldn’t even get away from him, and she was on her way out to try to get me. I get him to calm down (kind of) and make him apologize to her and show him where time-out is and tell him when his teacher says to go there he HAS to go, and tell him he can’t leave daycare until I am there, etc, etc. I apologize profusely to her and leave terribly embarrased and upset.
I come home, send him to his room, go to my room and cry.
I am so mad! I am mad at the gym for having only one worker. There were so many kids in there and they were all staring at Boomer and she could not handle him and the other kids at the same time. I am mad at her for not handling it better. Clearly he freaked her completely out, but she really is much bigger than him and it shouldn’t have gotten that far out of hand. I am mad at him for biting. That is never ever ok. He does that to me and his dad when he gets completely freaked out and we are doing everything we can to make it stop, but have yet to figure that out. He never bites other kids, and until today has never tried to bite another adult. Just us, so we have been trying to deal with it at home, but now I don’t know what to do. Biting is just plain unacceptable. And I am mad at myself (most of all). I should have prepared him more for daycare. I should have known he would freak out and I should have gone to check on him every so often. I should have explained he can’t leave daycare instead of just assuming he knew that. I should have made sure he knew the teacher’s name and she knew his before I left. Perhaps I never should have brought him in the first place….
I am still so upset about the entire episode I am at a loss. Once the girl had calmed down she assured me it was ok, and that he wasn’t the first kid to do that, but seriously. She was so visibly upset I can’t imagine she gets upset that often… When I asked Boomer where he was trying to go, he said to go to mommy. Ugh. Supergirl also informed me that in the throws of the fit he kept running up to her and throwing himself in her lap, clearly seeking comfort from someone he knew. He was completely freaked out. And so am I. I am upset. I am mad and sad and want him to know that even if he is completely freaked out it’s still not ok to hurt people…