Hi.

My name is Sarah.  And I am a dance mom.

Funny thing is I never really wanted to be a dance mom.  I’ve seen like 1/2 an episode of the infamous show before and it literally made me nauseous…  Definitely not a world I wanted to be a part of.  And yet…  I have this little girl who started taking dance right before she turned 3.  This little girl who marched out onto the stage at her first recital like a rockstar.  She smiled and danced and smiled and danced some more and loved every minute of it.  And here we are 7 years later and nothing has changed.

Turns out being a dance mom is nothing like the TV show.   There is hair to french twist, costumes to sequin, and eyelashes to glue.  But those things are not what any of it is about.  Being a dance mom is actually kind of amazing.

You get to watch friendships grow, girls who support each other through thick and thin.  Who are not tearing each other down to bring themselves up.  In fact I have repeatedly watched as they build each other up when one is feeling low.  You get to see them cheer each other on even when they are competing in the same category.  You get to see tears from your 7-year-old after leaving the stage at her first competition not because she was upset but because “I’m just so happy!!!”  You get to see not just yours but ALL the girls work their butts off week after week to perfect the little things.  You get to see the performances that show just how far all that work has taken them.  You get to watch your daughter finally nail her triple she’s been working so hard on front and center in competition.  Then watch as she nearly explodes from excitement as she walks off stage.  You get to see your little girl become stronger, more athletic, more graceful and most of all-more confident.  

So yes.  I am a dance mom.  And it’s kind of freaking awesome.

To my awesome dancer—I am SO proud of you and every last one of your teammates…





Savor

The past few months have been a little rough around the homefront…  Nothing major just lots and lots and LOTS of minors.

But today…

Today we were able to get all our saturday cleaning jobs done by 9:58!!!  (a new record)

Today we had an almost spontaneous play date that he has been waiting weeks for…



Today I dropped one off to rollerskate with friends and drove the other one around the corner to happen upon ‘Arizona Adventureland.’  How could we not stop to play?



Followed by dinner with this same guy.

Some reading of Harry Potter with both.

And some Skip-Bo with her after he went to bed.





Today consisted of only one meltdown.  One!!!!  A minor one consisting only of yelling of things such as—“why are you taking so long to read?!?!  I have been good all day!!!  I have been doing my PERSONAL BEST!!!!!!” Followed by a self-imposed time alone to cool down-which worked!!!

Today was beautiful.  My mind has a way of turning that into ‘well, tomorrow is obviously going to be hell…’  But I am not listening.  At least not for the next 5 minutes.  I am going to just sit. And savor. And be happy.

DISCOURAGED

  • Because I can’t fix everything
  • Because our school climate (my work climate) has become negative
  • Because the teachers are tired and frustrated
  • Because the system is broken
  • Because what about the artists—and inventors—and builders
  • Because I am tired of hearing that it’s because we’re not hard enough on them
  • Because some kids don’t eat, don’t sleep, don’t see mom, see mom get hit, or get hit themselves and then come to school and get in trouble for not doing their homework
  • Because they don’t tell you what happened because they are not supposed to
  • Because kids who don’t experience trauma at home do experience it at school when the traumatized ones lose control 
  • Because not everyone cares
  • Because legislators who don’t know a DAMN thing about our school decide the solution is to increase the amount, value and difficulty of standardized tests; while decreasing the amount, value and input of teachers
  • Because the brightest part of my day is feeding breakfast to the student who walked in 15 minutes late and braiding her hair so she can start the day feeling put together
  • Because we ALL want to start the day feeling put together
  • Because that is the only part of my day I feel I am accomplishing something
  • Because I don’t tell you everything they tell me—it’s called confidentiality
  • Because punishing them more doesn’t work
  • Because I don’t know what does

I can’t fix everything.


Some days I can’t fix anything.


But I can do this:

  • I can keep showing up
  • I can love every. single. one.
  • I can look them in the eye when they talk to me
  • I can feed them breakfast
  • And I can braid their hair

It’s not enough…  

but at least it’s something

Gray

I am now in survival mode. Winter has to end soon. This grayness is slowly but surely sucking the very life out of me. I am currently going through the motions and feeling NOTHING. My soul is dormant. Hibernating. Hiding from this grayness. I want so badly to sleep and eat and maybe watch some movies under a heated blanket and sleep some more. I don’t want to wake up in the mornings, go to work, drive the kids around, cook or clean. I am physically and emotionally drained. There is simply nothing left here.

Empty.

Grandpa

I can’t stop thinking about you today. I think it really started yesterday. You see, I have been working hard at trying to crochet—you would be proud. Yesterday as I was working on Savannah’s hat someone told me he was impressed because he didn’t know how to crochet. He walked away before I could tell him, “My grandpa taught me.” My grandpa. The lineman. The Texan who collected knives and loved to go feed the ducks and could catch skunks and possums like nobody’s business. The one who raised cain as a teenager but who also married my grandma as a teenager and never left her side. The one who would walk with me and never ever rush me as we would kick a rock down the road and walk just for the sake of walking. The one who taught me what to feed the hummingbirds. Who helped me fall asleep when I stayed the night and got homesick. Who looked so surprised and happy to see me when I walked into the hospital room before your big surgery.

I am realizing that when we are young we seek independence so fiercely that we only see what makes us different than the ones who love us. But as we get older and our hearts continue to grow it is those things that are the same that we cling to. You have helped shape who I am. And in turn are continuing to shape my children. And even the children they will someday raise. You taught me so much about life. And people. And learning. And slowing down to look around. And most importantly (tonight), that even linemen can love to crochet.

There’s one in every class—and I get to raise him!!!

On the ride home from school today Boomer began diligently working on his homework. Until he became distracted by the urge to draw butt cheeks on his paper. Which, of course, he couldn’t resist. And had to show his sister-who also found it hilarious.
Then he decided to erase it, and realized quickly that was not going to work as he had drawn them too dark. He almost panicked…
“Uuughh, Savannah, WHY did I do this?!?”
“I don’t know!!!! Why did you do it?!?”
“Because I’m really stupid!”
“Yes…”
“I know!!! At early care tomorrow I will just grab a new one from the homework pile and do the new one and turn it in! Unless they don’t have any….
Then…
I will just have to proudly walk into class with this one!”

2015

Went back to look at my first post for 2014. You know the one where I made some goals. That I didn’t meet.

Here we are again, brand new year. Brand new goals or just re-use the old ones I never meet?

I’m honestly too tired to think about either option tonight. We had a great christmas filled with lots of family time that was super fulfilling. I wouldn’t change a thing.

I bought a jawbone because I am obsessed with fitness related technology—it helps me think about fitness without actually working out.

I also ordered an inner guide planner to help with my goal setting, living with intention, and reflection. It is supposed to be here Thursday.

I hope to start running again soon and am considering a boxing gym in February if I am still working out then…

So that is that. My new year. I think it will start tomorrow :)

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