Bad Parent Moment #4398

I’ve been home long enough that I am beginning to get that “please let me have just 30 seconds to myself before I explode!” feeling. So I decided the answer was to join a gym. The cheap local one with a daycare so I can take the kids with me and they can socialize while I get some me time and work out. Everybody wins right?
We went to the Y last summer and after a few rough visits Boomer began to love it, so I figured he would enjoy this also, especially since he is a year older. I ask the kids today “do you want to go play at the day care?” followed by “yes, yes!” So we load up and head to the gym.
I immediately should have known disaster was coming, as the day care was very crowded with just one girl in there working. Not a good idea!!! This was my kids first visit and they were excited to see a few of their friends in there so they ran right in and started playing. I head off to workout in relative peace. I notice my friend leaves with her children as I am working out but don’t think much about it. 30 minutes later I am done and head in to pick up my children…
As I approach I hear Boomer screaming. There is a mom in front of me entering the door and her daughter says something and I hear the mom say “yes, he DOES need to go to time out”
Son of a biscuit, I know I’m in trouble now.
I enter the room to find Boomer engaged in full out war with the girl working there. She is trying to get ahold of him to put him in timeout and he is fighting her with everything he has (which is a lot). She looks up and sees me and says “Is this your kid?” Which immediately puts me on edge (as if I wasn’t already). I grab him away from her and have this conversation:
Me: What happened?
Girl: He is trying to bite me (her voice is very shaky and I can tell she is on the verge of tears–she is definitely rattled).
Me (to Boomer): Did you try to bite her?
Boomer (crying hysterically): Yes.
I put him on the floor in timeout which he stays in, still crying and screaming. I ask her what happened and she says he tried to open the door to leave and when she wouldn’t let him he just came at her hitting and trying to bite. She says she tried to put him in timeout but couldn’t get ahold of him without him trying to bite her. She says she couldn’t even get away from him, and she was on her way out to try to get me. I get him to calm down (kind of) and make him apologize to her and show him where time-out is and tell him when his teacher says to go there he HAS to go, and tell him he can’t leave daycare until I am there, etc, etc. I apologize profusely to her and leave terribly embarrased and upset.
I come home, send him to his room, go to my room and cry.
I am so mad! I am mad at the gym for having only one worker. There were so many kids in there and they were all staring at Boomer and she could not handle him and the other kids at the same time. I am mad at her for not handling it better. Clearly he freaked her completely out, but she really is much bigger than him and it shouldn’t have gotten that far out of hand. I am mad at him for biting. That is never ever ok. He does that to me and his dad when he gets completely freaked out and we are doing everything we can to make it stop, but have yet to figure that out. He never bites other kids, and until today has never tried to bite another adult. Just us, so we have been trying to deal with it at home, but now I don’t know what to do. Biting is just plain unacceptable. And I am mad at myself (most of all). I should have prepared him more for daycare. I should have known he would freak out and I should have gone to check on him every so often. I should have explained he can’t leave daycare instead of just assuming he knew that. I should have made sure he knew the teacher’s name and she knew his before I left. Perhaps I never should have brought him in the first place….
I am still so upset about the entire episode I am at a loss. Once the girl had calmed down she assured me it was ok, and that he wasn’t the first kid to do that, but seriously. She was so visibly upset I can’t imagine she gets upset that often… When I asked Boomer where he was trying to go, he said to go to mommy. Ugh. Supergirl also informed me that in the throws of the fit he kept running up to her and throwing himself in her lap, clearly seeking comfort from someone he knew. He was completely freaked out. And so am I. I am upset. I am mad and sad and want him to know that even if he is completely freaked out it’s still not ok to hurt people…

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Auntie Em
    Jun 08, 2009 @ 09:03:25

    Hang in there kid. You are doing fine. They all have there moments.

    I love you.

    Reply

  2. Meredith
    Jun 08, 2009 @ 20:16:40

    This is not a parenting failure, dear. This is just parenting. You’re okay and he’s okay. You have things to work on, but you know what they are and you just need a plan of attack. You can do this! I know you can!

    (oh yeah – you don’t know me – I”m a lurker, but I still know you can do it!) πŸ™‚

    Reply

  3. Stacie
    Jun 11, 2009 @ 21:32:18

    Oh man. What a tough moment. I’m sorry. I know I almost broke down in tears when Micah was attacking me at Target the other day, so I’m sure this affected you terribly. It’s hard – especially when you think back to what you “should” have done. But a good family friend always says, “Don’t should on yourself.” πŸ™‚ It’s a learning experience – and you have obviously taken from it what you can do next time to avoid disaster. Don’t give up – try it again! You need your alone time and I know Boomer can do it!

    Reply

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