Catastrophizing (along with some good ol’ TMI)

My day:
(**warning—excessive use of WTF and dialogue—read at your own risk)

5:00am–alarm goes off. (inner dialogue begins) Yippee Skippee-it’s time to go run. I SOOOO love running, especially when it is 48 degrees and dark outside. I am really going to enjoy this 4 mile run. Shut it lady—you HAVE to run, it’s not so bad, just think how awesome it is that you can even run that far–and how awesome you are for being so flipping dedicated Really?? little speech there didn’t help. STILL hate running. Still am going to freeze my butt off and probably get raped and murdered simply for being stupid enough to run in the dark…

5:15am–begin run. Don’t enjoy it. About the last mile my stomach starts to cramp. Pretty sure I may have to bang on someone’s door and ask to use the bathroom. Each step makes it worse. Begin to walk. Doesn’t help much. EXTREMELY grumpy now…

6:10am–FINALLY make it home. Depressed about my almost 1 hour time. get ready for work, pack kids lunches, reminded by Daddy-O I have a doctor’s appt that afternoon—time for lovely yearly visit to my fave doctor in the world. Awesome—-again…..

7:00am–stop by Sonic to get a ridiculously bad for me breakfast burrito, decide to throw in tator tots and Route 44 dr pepper because I’m feeling sorry for myself. Pay $5.01 and curse myself for spending that much of my weekly budget on breakfast… Don’t even eat tator tots, cause really—not so good on an upset stomach

7:45am–arrive at work. Grumpy. Can’t tell you anymore in order to protect the privacy of the children 🙂

2:40pm–leave in the middle of an actually interesting meeting to head to doctor’s office—stupid doctor

3:40pm–doctor’s appointment. Listen to young lady at counter who doesn’t speak english well try to explain to receptionist she thinks she is pregnant, has never had an annual exam, and is wondering how much a pregnancy test would cost. Remember how much I love eavesdropping in medical waiting rooms. Get my turn to experience the annual awkward casual conversation with the doctor while he violates my innards.
Dr: So, OU or OSU?
me: Definitely OSU, DUH!!!
Dr: I love college rivalries.
me: Yeah, OSU thinks OU is our rival, while OU knows Texas is really their rival. Although OSU is actually getting better finally.
Dr: Their football team is getting better, basketball was better with Sutton… Although with all the changes in the conferences we may not be playing each other anymore. (realize I am not sure which team he refers to as ‘his’)
me: What all is going on with that?
Dr: It looks like OU and OSU may both be going PAC 10. PAC 10 is—–WAIT, I think I just felt something…
me: (speechless, feeling blood leave my face, wondering what in the hell he could even possibly feel up in there)
Dr: Hmmmmm…. Yep, it looks like you may have a cyst on your ovary, we may have to _________ (not sure I caught that word) it. I’m gonna have you get an ultrasound. What you’ll do is tell the lady at the front desk you need an ultrasound and to see me right after to talk about it.
me: ok… (WTF??? He can feel my OVARY???)
Dr: It’s very common, nothing to worry about, just let them know up front. Any questions?
me: nope… (YEAH—AM I GONNA DIE? WTF is an ovarian cyst? How did I get it, how big is it, what if that’s not what you felt, what if it is, what is next, is it going to hurt, oh yeah—and do I have cancer)

4:15pm–schedule ultrasound and dr appt for next week. Call friends to discuss cysts and symptoms (i.e. why didn’t I have any) and to find out if I’m going to die

4:30pm–drive home (inner dialogue: I can’t die. That would be so unfair to Boomer. He can’t experience the loss of another mother. Why would any kid have to do that. I can’t leave my kids motherless. WTF is a cyst anyway. What if it’s one of those crazy hairballs with teeth I’ve seen on the Discovery Channel? What if it’s cancer? I really can’t miss that much work. I don’t want to be sick. I sure as hell am not ready to die. Why am I freaking out? It’s a cyst. That’s common right? Normal. Not uncommon. Like an everyday occurrence. No big deal. Well it’s a big deal to me. Ugh…)

5:20pm–get home and immediately google ovarian cyst and ovarian cancer. Decide I have cancer based on the following symptoms: fatigue (no, that has nothing to do with the fact I have been getting up to run at 5, go to work, go pick up kids, come home, cook dinner, clean, etc), bloating (again, nothing to do with what I eat whatsoever), weight gain (seriously, let’s not discuss my eating)

6:00pm–ordered pizza—no way I’m cooking today people…

7:45pm—take Supergirl to dance, WTF (again) why is dance class SO LATE?!?!?

8:45pm–home from dance, call my psychologist sister-in-law for some reassurance, and time for bed 🙂

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