Settling in

I have been feeling very ‘middle-aged’ this week.  Or this month.  Or year.  Something.  We are at a place in our lives.  The place where the kids are in school, we both work, we drive all the time.  Drive to school, drive to work, drive to school, drive home, drive to activities, drive home, start over again tomorrow.  A place we will probably be for 12 more years.  Everything becomes routine, and while at times I crave routine there are those other times where I want nothing more than to break out of it running and screaming and changing.  When each day looks a little like the day before and the week looks a lot like the last 3 I begin to feel a little like I can’t breathe.  I begin to retreat into a place where I am watching my life happen and wondering who is that person living my life for me?  Is she happy?  Is this the life she imagined having?  In all honesty it is.  I am happy.  I love love love our little family, our house, my job.  So many days I feel 100% satisfied.  But today is one of those other days.  The kind where my heart says there is something else.  A flicker of a shadow somewhere in my mind.  There is a tugging toward something—something that is amazing.  Yet when I try to grasp the idea of this something it slips away.  I have NO IDEA what is missing.  It is not something ordinary—but is extraordinary.  That is all I know.  I am not sad, maybe a little bothered, but not sad.  I love my life.  Even the sameness I love.  I have amazing days where I am present and enjoy the little moments.  I have frustrating days where all I want is for bedtime to come.  But I even love it on those days.  They make the other days that much more amazing.  Perhaps this feeling is simply something one goes through as they start the journey through the middle of life.  Perhaps not.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Laura
    Jul 10, 2013 @ 14:29:28

    I will NOT accept that this is middle-aged.

    Reply

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