I am hosting Thanksgiving this year.  Not because I was feeling ambitious and excited and eager, but rather because my parents are coming to have Thanksgiving with us for the first time ever.  Which means there will be a total of 13 people at our house for dinner.  This number is actually small to the number I grew up with and not much larger than what we typically have at Michael’s parents house.  In fact, I typically make most of the sides and desserts even when it is at his parents house.  But having it at our house feels entirely different.  I can literally feel my muscles tensing as my anxiety builds.  Why am I like this?  I am actually super happy my parents are coming.  And even more super happy to be making dinner with my mom.  But I let those feelings get lost in bundle of useless stress.

I spent yesterday and today cleaning house with the help of Boomer.  Michael worked 8 hours Friday night, 24 hours Saturday, came home for about 30 minutes this morning before being called back in to work.  And I was instantly mad at him.  What about the grocery shopping?  We should be going now but I don’t want to leave the house with the oven cleaning.  Why did you not even ask before taking the call in?  I am doing all of this with NO help!  What if they run out of turkeys (yes that was actually something I said)?  I have been sick the last few days and STILL trying to get everything done and I am on the verge of crawling into bed and calling it quits.

Once he was gone I stopped what I was doing (cleaning the guinea pig cage) and just sat for a few minutes.  I tried hard to imagine what I wanted this Thanksgiving to be like, what would make it wonderful.  I want to be relaxed.  I want people to laugh.  I want yummy food.  I want us to be thankful.  I want to be happy.  Not just everyone else to be happy, but I actually want myself to be happy.  Happiness begets happiness.  

I decided to prioritize.  Only do the things that I feel are important.  I do feel clean bathrooms are important-done.  A clean kitchen will be important-done.  Having food will be important.  But I decided to be ok with Michael going to the store tomorrow.  Today I will sit down in the comfy recliner and get some rest while I make a grocery list.  Win-win.  

I am going to do my best to set a mental alarm.  Every time my anxiety reaches a 7 or higher I am going to simply stop and sit.  Imagine that happy Thanksgiving.  Re-prioritize and go from there.  What good is hosting if you are too grumpy to enjoy it.  And what good is Thanksgiving if you are too anxious to give thanks?


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